Original Writings

  • Somedays
    Somedays, Loneliness is a sword that stabs through me Slicing through and making wounds That I don’t know how to heal from Somedays, Loneliness is a wave guiding me out to sea I don’t understand the danger I am in Until I am drowning in the salty temptress Somedays, Loneliness is simply sitting at my […]
  • Harold the NPC – Chapter 5 – Harold meets the Greybeards
                    He stood at the first step gazing upwards, his eyes crinkled in the corners as he squinted.  The sun reflecting off of the snow was bright enough that he felt he was going blind, the wind cold enough blowing through his tattered clothing that he thought he would freeze.                 Doubt raced across his […]
  • I Feel Alone
    I feel alone A silently swaying Ever relating  Alone I’m lying in bed with my husband He’s sound asleep next to me Gently snoring Sweetly dreaming  And I hold onto his arm  Like it is a raft  And I’m lost at sea Hoping some of his blissful sleep Will latch onto me  But instead I […]
  • Harold the NPC – Chapter 4 – Harold and the Path of the 7000 Steps
                    He stood at the first step gazing upwards, his eyes crinkled in the corners as he squinted.  The sun reflecting off of the snow was bright enough that he felt he was going blind, the wind cold enough blowing through his tattered clothing that he thought he would freeze.                 Doubt raced across his […]
  • Am I Broken
    I see a new mom  With a baby And a piece of me thinks Maybe  But deep inside of me I don’t feel that ache  I don’t long  To be a mom I don’t wish to see my baby grow And watch them change And experience life I don’t wake up at night  Wishing I […]
  • Harold the NPC – Chapter 3 – Harold meets the Jarl
                    With every foot step he took he groaned.  The simple leather boots he wore, and had owned for as long as he had been with Martha, were not cut out for long paths.  But still, he was determined to see the Jarl in Whiterun.  Jarl Balgruuf had promised when he had taken the position […]
  • On Days Like These, I Wish I Believed
    On days like these I wish I believed In Heaven Wished I believed In the great beyond And that something wonderful Waits for us Because with the chill in the air And the leaves falling I think of you It’s been almost a decade, Since I got the news Easter Sunday Was essentially ruined I […]
  • Harold The NPC – Chapter 2 – Harold is a Dragonborn?
                    With every foot step he took he groaned.  The simple leather boots he wore, and had owned for as long as he had been with Martha, were not cut out for long paths.  But still, he was determined to see the Jarl in Whiterun.  Jarl Balgruuf had promised when he had taken the position […]
  • Harold the NPC – Harold Sets Off
    Harold is an NPC living in the Elder Scrolls world. However, he doesn’t know what an NPC is. All he knows is he has a family to take care of, and he is tired of people putting buckets over his head while they loot his shop and home.
  • Perfectly Pert
    It pounded in her ears, the steady thrum of music vibrating her body as she raised her hands to the sky and closed her eyes.  She let the music pour through her, let it thrill her.  Until she heard the jarring honk of the horn in the car behind her.                 Her eyes popped open […]
  • Thought Monster and Gloomy Goblin
                    Lately I have been having this panic inducing tightening in my chest.  And I know it is not a heart attack.  Instead, it is anxiety.                  At the current moment I feel like I have so much on my plate that I am never going to get finished.  Some days it feels like I […]
  • WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT IS AN OK THING TO SAY TO ANYONE?????
                    Some of my hobbies require I ask people for some feedback.  Some constructive criticism if you will.  “Hey I made this new design, what do you think of it?”  And when I ask that question, I know I am going to get people that are going to say, “yah know, I really do not […]
  • Stuff the Body Challenge
                    So I had to challenge myself the other day.  “But Alicia, WHY would you challenge yourself??”  you might be asking?  And the answer is, because I like to sew.                  How do those two link up?  Well, let me give you a fun tidbit of backstory.                  I have never ever ever ever been […]
  • The draining of the brain!!!!!!!
                    I was off of work for eleven days in a row.  Eleven glorious magnificent magical wonderful days.  Days where I rested and relaxed, did what I wanted to do, slept in, stayed up late.  All those fun things you get to do on your day off.                 Today is my first day back at […]
  • My depression kicked my butt today
                    Do you know what I hate?                 I was playing a game with my best friend, a game we have invested multiple hours into, a game I love playing with him.  Not only do I love playing the game with him, but it is also time where he and I get to talk and […]
  • Sweet but Bittersweet
                    I had my best friend stay over at my house the other day.  Not only my best friend, but his boyfriend as well.  It is a new relationship between them, and watching them together is so sweet.                 Well, it is sweet but bittersweet as well.                  I have mentioned it before, but my […]
  • Fight to the death over laundry
                    Ever have one of those fights with your significant other that you replay in your head over and over again, getting angrier and angrier with each replay?  One of those fights where the other person is so clearly in the wrong, you just want to throttle them into the correct answer?                 My husband […]
  • My daydream affair with Sven
                    I had a moment the other day.  One of those moments that when I first got married I naively thought “That won’t be me.”  Poor poor naïve Alicia.                  It was always kind of a joke growing up, and even now, well into adult hood.  That the woman fantasizes, day dreams, for a day […]
  • Lick Victim
                    My husband and I met five years ago.  Obviously, it worked out, and we have been together ever since, and five years later I would like to think he and I are still reasonably attracted to each other.                  And by reasonably attracted, I mean to say, far more bluntly, that we still have […]
  • Food is my armor
                    For as long as I can remember, food has been my savior, and at times my captor too.  No matter what swirling vortex of emotions cascaded through my body, I had food there to help me cope.  Bad day?  Pint of ice cream to take the edge off.  Good day?  Celebratory taco!  Family get […]
  • Am I dying?
                    Anyone else have that one thing happen that is kind of like a kick in the teeth?  It leaves you sucking in air, grasping for a thought to latch onto to keep yourself calm?  With everything that has been going on inside of my body, I have been getting a ton of blood tests.  […]
  • I am tired.
                    Anyone else tired of being tired?  And I don’t mean mildly sleepy, ready to curl up for a nap.  I mean bone weary exhausted, ready to nod off at your desk, head against the wall, power nap in the elevator.  Is that just me?                 In addition to being tired, is anyone else tired […]
  • My diagnosis
                    I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  It is a big scary word that to me, is a life sentence.  And it is odd how to journey to being diagnosed came about.  If you don’t know what fibromyalgia is, lets start with a definition.                  If you go to google and type in the word, […]
  • Writetober – Prompt 5 – Bow
                    She held the box tightly in her hand.  Wrapping it had gotten her heart racing to the point she couldn’t focus.  The paper was bright blue with snowflakes.  Around it, she had tied the most perfect red bow she could.                 Inside was her pregnancy test.  After six years of trying, fertility treatments, and […]
  • Writetober – Prompt 4 Key
                    He held it clenched tightly in his hand.  So tightly, he could feel the cool metal imprinting into his skin.  He was terrified, horrified, and filled with a sorrow than ran so deeply, he thought he might drown in it.  She was gone, and there had been nothing he could do to stop it. […]
  • Writetober – Prompt 3 – Cricket
                    It was that damned sound.  It drove him to distraction, the incessant chirping happening day after day and night after night.  It made his skin crawl, made his ears ring as he listened to the sounds echoing in through his windows.                 Windows he had shut and sealed with duct tape and glue to […]
  • Writetober 2020 – Prompt 2 – Disguise
                    Her lipstick was called vixen red, and she glided it over her lips slowly.  Once her lips were coated, she laid the lipstick aside and stared at herself in the mirror.  With a sigh she fluffed her freshly dyed brown hair, fingering the curls she was not accustomed to having.  She had wanted a […]
  • Writeober 2020 – Prompt 1 – Scroll
    She held the scroll with trembling fingers. Her mother had told her this day would come. Had told her to be prepared to receive it. How could something so small, be so intimidating? Just simple brown parchment curled up, a blue was circle imprinted with the King’s crest holding it shut. “Casey, you have to […]
  • Windchimes
    You asked me to hang windchimes And I did Even though I hate them The thought of them Blowing in the breeze Irritates me The sound of them clinking A grating in my ear That I don’t want to hear Yet I hung them It is not my house But will always be my home […]
  • Rap Tap Tap…
                  I had my weekly appointment with my therapist to discuss how I have been doing lately.  And is that not a fun question to have to ask yourself?  Under normal circumstances sure, but in the middle of a pandemic where it feels as though my country is literally ripping itself apart at the seems […]
  • I Feel Alone
    Staring at the shadow soaked ceiling Lost in my thoughts They overwhelm me Questions of what ifs and whys Compete for headspace
  • Trista – Part 1
    “I don’t hate myself,” she whispered as she stare at her fingertips.  The purple nail polish she had painted on them mere hours ago was already chipped and faded.  In her entire life, she could not remember a time where she had not scuffed her freshly painted nails almost immediately.  “Ok.  It is not hate, […]
  • Burning In My Blood
    There is a burning in my blood It burns so hot Runs so deep I cannot escape Why is it burning Why do I feel this deep seated pain? Burning my gut Yearning to emerge What do I want? I want more More of everything More of the desire to succeed More of the talent […]
  • First Baby Step
    Have you ever done something so trivial to other people, and yet so scary to yourself that it set your heart racing?  You sit there, in your chair, staring at the monitor screen of a computer, the options splayed before you, barely more than a click away.  A computer mouse click you have made millions of times before, but suddenly seems impossible.  A daunting task that makes you want to scream and run away in terror.
  • A Journey to Self Hatred
    I didn’t just wake up And hate myself It wasn’t the first time I stood in front of a mirror Assessing my body with a trained eye Looking for every flaw Anything I had I could criticize It is not the first time I saw them The stretch marks marring my stomaxh My sides My […]
  • Learn the lesson
    They say you have To learn the lesson Of what life really is Cold and cruel Sweet and kind A desperate mix To blow your mind They say you have To learn the lesson Of what you can truly be Nothing more Than a little ant Roaming through the street But the lesson I’ve learned […]
  • Growth
    I’ve been stifled by My desire to grow And with the desire No Change Happened I’ve been so focused on the idea Of what growth is and what growth could be That i didn’t take the time to see What growth i could achieve And with no growth I’ve stayed Trapped here till the end […]
  • Procreate
    It was called procreating.  Pro creating. It seems like such a fun word doesn’t it?  Like two people working together to create something else.  Its seems like it should be beautiful.  It isn’t. I live in a world that is small.  I started in the infant pits, with no mother, and no father.   Yes, it […]
  • Pain Changes People
    Pain changes people From beginning to the end From long time love To a distant friend Pain changes people How they look How they talk How they feel Mostly How they love Pain changes everything A view of the world can change From hopeful To damning To loving To spiteful Pain changes everything So be […]
  • Am I Pretty Now Mommy?
    Am I pretty now mommy? Her grin was sadistic Am I pretty now mommy? She asked slowly Her eyes were bleeding Tears of red pain Her lips were cracked Dried with old age Am I pretty now mommy? Her ugly heart cries The knife in her hand Holds all of her lies Am I pretty […]
  • It Changed Me
    It changed me Falling in love and falling out of it It changed me And not for the better It hurt me It maimed me And at the end of the day It claimed me I sank down so far into depression That climbing back out Was like climbing up a sheer cliff With no […]
  • Motherless Mother
    I take care of people That’s just what I do A careless tear Can tear me in two I cannot bear To see anyone Break And so when they start I panic I have to take care of them If I don’t I know I won’t Be able to function clearly And so I will […]
  • Finding My Broken Pieces
    I am broken A thousand little pieces That will never be back together I’m humpty dumpty Only worse Because all of the kings horses And all the kings men At least they tried To put him together again But with me It is me Playing with this puzzle Trying to find A way to be […]
  • She Fell in Love
    She fell in love with him She closed her eyes Stood at the edge of the cliff Braced herself And jumped She held her breath Exhaled slowly And let the whistling wind Caress her cheeks As she fell She fell in love with him And she didn’t know why There was no exact moment She […]
  • Families of War
    She sat on the floor.  Her puffy red and bruised eyes poured out tears onto the hard concrete floor.  She had been kneeling on the floor for so long, the feeling in her feet and toes had disappeared hours ago.  She sat on the floor, cold, alone, and crying.  For the first time, in longer […]
  • What does Maybe mean?
    Maybe – So many hopes And so many dreams Hinge on the word Maybe – And if that maybe could mean Everything What would your maybe be? Would it be the eternal love That never dies The flame that melts so slowly And the wax drips off so sweetly That It forms another candle Rather […]
  • I thought I was ok
    I thought I was ok I thought I was ok  – Until I walked into my room And came unglued I’ve been tired And unhinged And I knew deep down I was breaking again But I thought I was ok And I thought I could fight it The deep dark emotional roller coaster That I […]
  • Need Me
    Touch me Taste me I need you I need the physical connection Of your lips melting on mine And the taste of your skin Mingling with the sweat of passion I need you And I need that kiss of seduction You place on my lips While you hold my hand in yours I need the […]

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