Thought Monster and Gloomy Goblin

                Lately I have been having this panic inducing tightening in my chest.  And I know it is not a heart attack.  Instead, it is anxiety. 

                At the current moment I feel like I have so much on my plate that I am never going to get finished.  Some days it feels like I am drowning, some days it feels like being buried alive.

                On the worst days, it feels like the weight of the expectations of a thousand people on my shoulders, all asking me constantly and consistently when I am going to get done, and when am I going to achieve my goals.

                That weight of expectation almost feels never ending, overwhelming, and life ending. 

                I know it is possible to get everything I need to get done, done in the correct amount of time. I know I can achieve my goals.  But the little thought monster in my head teams up with the gloomy goblin.  They spit all kinds of negative thoughts and words into my mind, call me all kinds of names, and it is so fricken hard to not believe them.

                I have been raised to believe I can accomplish anything.  My mind battles with mental illness and self-doubts that tells me I am worthless.

                How do you combat that to once again have belief in the way you were raised rather than the demons in your own brain?

                If you are here for a solution, I am sorry to say I don’t have one. 

                But if you are here looking for someone that is suffering and battling as well, I am right there with you.  We are warriors in a war that almost seems never ending.  But we got this.

                At least I hope we got this.  I will have faith in you, if you can have faith in me?

                I have also been trying this new thing, pausing and asking myself what my body needs, what my mind needs, at random moments.  Overwhelmed and miserable?  Just pause and go “ok, what is it I need right now?”  and whatever that answer may be, it might be what you need to do.

                I was stressed and crying the other day, and I went “what do I need?”  what was the answer?  A hot shower and a snack.  And once I finished both I felt better and more able to tackle the tasks at hand.

                Good luck in your battles my fellow warrior!

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