I Feel Alone

I feel alone

A silently swaying

Ever relating 

Alone

I’m lying in bed with my husband

He’s sound asleep next to me

Gently snoring

Sweetly dreaming 

And I hold onto his arm 

Like it is a raft 

And I’m lost at sea

Hoping some of his blissful sleep

Will latch onto me 

But instead I am laying here

Staring at the shadow soaked ceiling

Lost in my thoughts

They overwhelm me

Questions of what ifs and whys

Compete for headspace 

The thousands of things wrong with me

Are competitive dancers 

Waiting for their chance to shine 

Hoping for a spotlight 

The pillow under my head 

Turns from a comforting embrace

To a rock

Designed to keep me awake

And to keep my head throbbing

I feel alone

While the darkness impresses upon me

A weight on my chest 

That I can never see

But always feel 

I let go of my raft 

And let myself drift out into the sea

Of lonely

My eyes close in the darkness 

But what I see doesn’t change

As I listen to the gentle snorts 

And heavy breaths 

Of my dog laying next to me 

Her nose is next to mine 

As she cuddles closer 

My arms wrap around her

And I take a deep breath of her fur

Basking in the comfort 

But knowing it is not enough 

And so I let my thoughts chase me

Let their barrage shame me

As I take comfort in the alone 

But deeply despise the lonely

The monotony of the ceiling fan 

One spin after another 

The only musical symphony

I can seem to stand 

At some point in time

The darkness I stare at 

Becomes uncomfortable dreams

And the sunshine wakes me

Eradicating

If only for a moment 

The memory 

Of lonely

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