A Journey to Self Hatred

I didn’t just wake up

And hate myself

It wasn’t the first time

I stood in front of a mirror

Assessing my body with a trained eye

Looking for every flaw

Anything I had I could criticize

It is not the first time I saw them

The stretch marks marring my stomaxh

My sides

My thoughts

And somehow the stretch marks

Are scars in my eyes

It isn’t the first time I stood there

Hating myself for things

I had praised on someone else

The self hatred has been a journey

I have been taking it

Have been on it

For most of my lfie

The hatred is so large

I sabotage myself

Knowing I don’t deserve

What I crave most

I don’t deserve a stomach I am not ashamed of

I don’t deserve mental health

That keeps me functioning

The suicidal thoughts

Are my greatest

And most feared company

I didn’t just wake up

With hatred carved into my skin

It is a journey I have been taking

A path I have been making

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