I had my best friend stay over at my house the other day. Not only my best friend, but his boyfriend as well. It is a new relationship between them, and watching them together is so sweet.
Well, it is sweet but bittersweet as well.
I have mentioned it before, but my husband and I have been together for five years. And in those five years, the “newness” of our relationship has kind of worn off. I still love the man I married more than I can possibly say. I still enjoy, and love what our relationship brings.
But I no longer get the “first date” jitters. Kissing him is no longer a first time, but instead a comfort. I don’t have to worry about what he is thinking when I cuddle up next to him. I have the knowledge that he is just going to wrap his arm around me.
And watching my best friend fall in love, I am envious. I am envious of them getting to feel those first moments of love. Watching it dance around in their eyes mixed with the terror of realizing what is happening.
When they are together and they have this almost impulsive need to kiss and hug, to touch, because they don’t know when they will get a chance to do that again.
And watching that, watching them together, it is sweet but so, so bittersweet as I said. As much as I love my husband, sometimes I miss those first sweet but terrifying moments of realizing I was in love with him.
Those moments of uncertainty and hope when I would tell him something important, and then the moments where I would feel strong and brave when he would support me.
So while I watch my best friend, someone close enough that he is more brother than anything else, fall in love; I am going to hold on tightly to my husband, and hug him like it is the first time. Kiss him like I don’t know when I will get to kiss him again.
While we may not be in a new relationship, we are in one that is filled with love and laughter. And watching my brother fall in love, makes me love my husband just a bit more than I did.