I thought I was ok

I thought I was ok

I thought I was ok  –

Until I walked into my room

And came unglued

I’ve been tired

And unhinged

And I knew deep down

I was breaking again

But I thought I was ok

And I thought I could fight it

The deep dark emotional roller coaster

That I keep being forced to ride

And the words in my head were yours

“you’ve got some creepy pictures on your wall”

And I couldn’t take the pressure

Building up in my chest

And so from one breath

To the next

My mind snapped

And I was broken

The first picture coming down

Was a breath of relief

It wasn’t so hard

To surrender that part of me

But as picture after picture followed

I could hear my heart snap

My breath hitch

And tears filled my eyes

But the pictures coming down around me

Like rain in a thunderstorm

Weren’t enough

It all had to go

It all had to leave

I just want to be normal

And as I’m ripping things down

Words are flirting around

With my mind

“You make people uncomfortable”

“You come off as slutty”

“You are too much to handle”

“Just stop”

“Why are you so loud”

And I couldn’t come down

The words just invaded

And left me alone

Rocking on the floor

The tears flooded my face and my room

Destroying everything I had become

And I thought I was ok –

It was so hard to realize

That I wasn’t fine

And I just wanted it all to go away

Because all of me

Just isn’t enough to please

Everyone –

And I just want them to leave me alone

I know I’m not normal

I know I’m not ok

But hearing your words

Have ruined me

And I let it all go

To just keep the peace

But keeping the peace

Broke everything inside of me

And I thought I was ok

And I thought I was fine

And I’ve never been caught in a bigger lie

Because I knew I wasn’t ok

The tears had been coming

Each and every day

But I could hide it

And fight it

And wait for them to leave

But remembering the words

When I was scared and alone

Are what finally destroyed

The one thing I tried so hard to love most –

Me

 

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